Today I learnt how disillusioned I can get. And how tiring it is to keep ‘arguing’ with someone that you start losing focus, losing yourself and as a result, get stuck at the workplace, and missed your much needed session of hot yoga, when you didn’t have to in the first place.
“In life, you win some & you lose some.” And I guess that’s the way with friends as well. What started out as a confiding sms about the silly nightmare I had, turned ugly in a bid to clear the misunderstanding between Luke & a friend. She got personal when she directed how she didn’t like him, had no respect for him and he had no character. The ultimatum came when she said “its difficult for you to dislike him ESP when you’re preparing for the wedding.” Yep. Dam right. In fact, its difficult to dislike someone when he hardly does anything wrong! And I dare say he has not been mean nor attacked her once. And he gets this treatment? After knowing each other for more than 5 years?
I made a mistake, yes dug my own grave, when I started a string of sms-es, standing up for Luke. It was in reponse to one of her earlier smses when she mentioned that he always have to disagree with her husband on things he does for her. My response was, he must have disagreed because he was asked of his opinion. Would someone give an opinion of something if they weren’t ask for one? And even if they did, it was merely stating their take the matter. And it was not imposed. I also mentioned that he (Luke) did good things too, probably without her knowledge. Such as encouraging her husband to cheer up with little things such as giving her space, freedom to do her things & surprises – which I did understand got her into a happier mood. And he did so because he was asked for advice! So poor Luke was practically being misunderstood in every worse way possible. Only to receive another string of replies from her that she was big enough and didn’t need anyone to teach her husband how to please her (Nat suddenly thinks sexual context) when she can voice out her wants and demands etc. And I was darn disappointed when she continued her fight on how her husband said Luke’s relationship theories were crap, and took his own initiative for things, and even accused Luke of calling her husband gay & henpecked? I did ask Luke about this (because it is not nice to call names), but later found his side of the story to be that it was the other friends who did the calling in the name of fun. It was also disheartening that the person (her hubs) Luke provided and cared for in times of trouble didn’t stand up for him when it came to the truth.
And guess what. I apologized. Yes I did. I said “I hope I didn’t upset you” when she replied “No point talking about this topic. Enough said.” Why in the world did I even do that for, because I cared for her as a friend. Despite the distance and rare communication we have, I sincerely believed that she cared when she suddenly started wishing me well for the upcoming wedding as opposed to her initial resistance. She made the decision to end the friendship, said she meant little to him for the fact that I was protecting Luke and kept saying positive things about him knowing her dislike for him.
Isn’t that what couples do? Stand up for each other? Each time I replied cordially, I was greeted back with sarcasm. And I’m sure friends don’t do this to each other. They talk it out nicely. They don’t let pride get in the way and concentrate on shooting one down constantly. Like a fool, I revealed my true feelings of hurt only to be shot time and again.
I decided to give up saving the friendship and let it be. It was tiring. Sent her a last polite sms before telling myself that I shan’t bother myself further with someone whose bent on listening things one way, whose so sure that only she has seen many people enough to sieve the good and the bad. Who does not believe that people can change for the better. But human err.
It was sad, but bittersweet. I had pals by my side as I pulled myself to finish of what’s left of work. Until she just messaged..”Luke wants to win all the time. He wants to be the leader all the time..but to be a leader, u need great character..Already, he has none…Ask him to wake up…” followed by more similar message content. Totally uncalled for.
But well – you win some, you lose some. In this case, I lost a friend but won a partner.