Today was a very different day. Not as bad as i had imagined, apart from the 2 and half hour wait at the clinic just to see the doctor because an inefficient nurse allowed queue jumping how some old ladies formed an alliance and make a racket at the counter. Basket.
Thank goodness I had a book with me, some sms correspondence going on with bff as well as phone calls from Luke to check on my sanity. 🙂
In my boredom, I started to re-read the messages I sent to C, and the messages C sent to me last night. While I was still a little peeved at her personal attacks at Luke, which were obviously groundless accusations, later deducing her conclusion (even without me asking because I just grew tired of the saga and decided to close the chapter) on why the man I was about to marry had no character and deserved no respect, I was glad that I did not reciprocate the replies in the same manner.
Luke also got really concern last night, and decided to abandon his plans half way just to pick me up after work, though it was rather late. Despite being worn-out by the wine and work earlier, he stayed by me as I shared with him why I wasn’t as affected as how I would be previously, because I knew he had God in him. His step of wanting to marry in the presence of God = love in his heart = commitment, effort and faithfulness. And that was all I needed to know. That he had God in his heart.
Anyway, back to the boring clinic adventure part. So I was reading chapter four of the new John Izzo book I just bought, where he was sharing the second secret to a fulfilling life which resonated with me completely: leave no regrets. There was one sentence which starred me in the face, “People regret what they did not do, even more than what they did.” I started pondering the next few seconds on that sentence and found it to be true. In my life thus far, I have yet to regret having tried something and failed, but instead wished that I had taken more risks! And I’m only in my mid-20s. What about the 50s, 60s? Won’t there be more things I wished that I had done and failed instead of not even trying?
John Izzo also mentioned about visiting the old lady / man on the porch scenario (the projected self in the future) which I realized was something I often did. Asking myself in 30 years’ time if I wished I had done anything different now. Some friends would joked that I was already thinking of myself as a granny when I had yet to reach the peak of my career. But really, that did wonders for me in my life – living one with little regrets so far. I mustered the courage to tell 2 people I was fond of them, got rejected by one – which allowed me to move on with my life and to be accepted by another, which led me to treasure and appreciate Luke more when I finally got together with him. I made the decision to complete what I promise myself when I did not join back SQ – to complete my studies, and praise God that I graduated with results that made it all worthwhile. I took the step to leave my comfort zone at work, only to meet more wonderful colleagues amidst the annoying ones, and establish them as true friends. Money you won’t miss, that can always be earned, but the opportunity to be happy for even a lifetime? What if it never comes by again? Will life then be more regrettable? It was also insightful to read more about “the secret to no regrets”. This woman in her seventies related how whenever she had a risk she was considering, she would begin by imagining the highest possible good vs. the worst possible and asked if she could handle the worst thing. At most, you start all over again. But to walk away from the good that was possible was far worse that the consequences of failure – and this I agreed a lot. Which ironically led me to think over the past months about what I really wanted at this stage of life (even before reading the book).
Another point which strike a chord with me, especially after what transpired between C & I, was that if there is a relationship that must be healed, heal it now. Because “people usually regret about not resolving issues, words not spoken, broken relationships never healed…” And the least you could do was to try. Throughout the argument with C yesterday, I constantly told myself that I wanted to save the friendship, and put aside the hurt. But that didn’t succeed. So while on my way back home from the doc’s this morning, I received another sms from her. Not knowing if it was going to be another nasty one, I opened it reluctantly, to read that I had been a dear sister to her, and all the cards I’ve given her were deeply treasured as well as all the fun and laughter shared were deeply etched in her memory. And that she always wished I found someone better than the ex, and what was most important that I was happy.
It was like an epiphany of what I felt earlier when I read the book. I replied that I was glad she wanted to mend things up and reconcile since this was between Luke and her (why was I involved?). As usual joked about the 2-hr wait and saga which took place at the clinic earlier, despite the heavy pounding in the head. It was good to clear the air, and not let pride overrule.
A nice way to to start the weekend. Have fun folks, while I try to get some sleep with the sleeping pills the doc prescribed.