CD16, May cycle
I had a nice afternoon out catching up & shopping with a good friend (she’s back from a 2-week Europe trip) today but that’s not the point of this blog entry.
Continuing from my adventure of peeing on OPK sticks after my happy dance last night, I managed to snag a last box (Watsons had a 20% off so I could only assume the reason why there was only 1 box left) today and started my peeing-rendezvous again tonight.
My usual routine would usually peeing on the stick, letting the result takes its time to show while I pop into the shower and then coming out to read it. I was expecting a smiley face tonight of course, but I saw a blank one.
I had a mini freak-out attack. I read & re-read the instructions on the box & leaflet. They mentioned that Clear Blue Digital Ovulation Kit lets you know your 2 more fertile days / when to make
love that baby but it was registering a blank face! A blank face!!!!!!!!
I knew I had told the husband that tonight was babydancing night since yesterday’s happy dance and my agreeing to wait till today (we practice the alternate day dance during the fertile window) and as much as I felt like telling him that ‘there’s no point, its showing a negative today and we’ve most likely missed the window which was supposed to be yesterday’, I did my best to disguise my disappointment, shoo-ed him to the shower and waited for the rest to happen. I didn’t want to make him feel worse than me for not doing the deed yesterday because he was all tired out. Also the thought that perhaps some BD could shoo away some of the sadness that was quickly filling up every space of my brain.
I don’t know if it did, but (perhaps of guilt for not telling him that it wouldn’t matter anyway) just before bedtime, I told myself that we’ve done what we could, prayed & hope for the best, and leave the rest to God.
Part of me wants to continue peeing on sticks tomorrow to see what happens. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have bought another box of sticks and peed my way to depression.
I don’t know what to think at the moment. I need a good distraction right now. But really I think all that’s needed is some sleep. Something keeps telling me its not this month, but the next. I don’t know why, but its a nagging one.