Life’s curveballs – it’s something most people don’t enjoy acknowledging or talking about.
Since motherhood, I find it tough to stop in my tracks and address real hurts and feelings because I rather spend most of my waking moments enjoying quality time and creating more memories with my little tot. Or maybe it’s just a convenient excuse of avoiding the reality that’s happening because it’s something we don’t want to deal with at the moment.
Have you felt like that before?
I’ve been challenged with personal struggles of late and evidently it’s been eating at me. I wished I could blame motherhood for this but it’s nothing but an excuse. While it’s easy to identify my once-overambitious self of wanting to close the gap of 6 degrees of separation as the culprit in this situation, it was also that same ambition which created some of the best moments I’ve had in life. What was it they say about life being a big contradiction again…
But yes, people change. Relationships change. Priorities change. Change is constant, remember? And as tempting as it is to wallow and be stuck in an emotional rut and disgruntlement, here’s 5 things which I’ve picked up to help deal with disappointments and have stuck with me since:
1. It is only temporary.
It’s true. What you are going through now will not persist forever. Perhaps not even past the week! It will pass sooner or later. This difficult, complicated situation isn’t going to stick around longer than it should, unless you want it to. Everything dies (down) with time. So don’t worry about the duration of its stint. When it’s done “fixing” you, it will be over in no time. You might not even know when it’s gone.
2. Bad things do happen to good people.
Things happen — they just do. It’s not because you’re a bad person and it’s some sort of a retribution or karma. Yes, some things do happen for a reason. But the reasons to them are almost never revealed to us. So it’s useless to guess why, why and why. Just get over your pitiful self and stop thinking that everything’s personal. Accidents and mistakes are inevitable in life. Learn to deal with it.
3. I don’t have to blame anyone, not even myself.
The thing is, if you starting putting blame on people or yourself, you are only allowing the hurt to spread. Even when you are out of that bad situation, you will still be holding a grudge inside, whether big or small, whether you know it or not. It is not easy to forgive; in fact it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve in life. So isn’t it better to not find someone to blame now, only to trouble yourself later on with forgiving?
4. I still have people who love me very much.
The thought of our loved ones gives us power. It can give us to the power to persist, to push through, and to overcome. It’s a magical thing, really. When we think of our family and friends, we see another reason not to give up, on the situation or on ourselves. So hold on, in spite of yourself.
5. This pain is necessary for growth.
You tell yourself that it is NOT all bad and no good — that something good CAN come out of it. That through pain you become stronger and better as a person. That going through tough things and shit situations are part and parcel of life. People can break your heart, but it is up to you whether to seal it up on the inside, or allow your heart to grow bigger and become more accepting of things. Even if this thing breaks you, you are going to bounce back bigger and fiercer.
Super-mums we might think ourselves to be, it’s okay to feel powerless at times. We ain’t the only ones who have less-than-desired lives 😉