Dear Rolly Polly (Ollie),
WHAT A MONTH IT HAS BEEN!
A month of overwhelming changes, overwhelmingly good changes. A month of re-learning. A month of adjusting. A month of emotional highs and lows. A month of growth, physically and mentally. And a month of thankfulness.
There’s so much to say that I don’t know where to start. Do I start by telling you about the super nanny who took such good care of you during my confinement that I could entrust you in her care while I focused on managing your big brother’s emotions through the month full of changes? Or do I tell you what a superb sleeper and drinker you’ve been since day 1? One of my highlights for the month was definitely when your big brother learnt that you weren’t here to take anything away from him but be that one more addition in the family to love him and started to embrace you by requesting to carry and hug you…sometimes sneakingly planting kisses all over your face much to your porpor’s chagrin especially whenever he wears food gravy all over his mouth.
Or let’s start with breastfeeding? Which seemed way easier with you than it was with your big brother. There was no need for the supplementer this time round because you helped facilitate milk establishment so quickly. And when I questioned my supply during those few times you suck me dry coupled with incessant hunger cries and dramatic flailing of arms, I’m glad there was your older brother to distract me from these trivialities I once mulled over. Indeed, the milk WILL come. I just needed to be patient.
For the first two weeks I suffered from guilt. Guilt of not enjoying you enough. Of not taking as many photos as I would have liked. Of not craddling you enough apart from nursing sessions. Of not observing you enough. My mind was so occupied with the move in, unpacking and recovery (thank goodness it was much faster this time round), and my mood swings were so hormonally impacted; I felt drained everyday.
During the first week, I was near to breaking point almost every night at about 1am. And ironically none of it came from you, you were an easy baby to manage. Most of it came from me worrying incessantly about your big brother’s feelings because he started to recluse up a little, saying things and throwing tantrums that broke your papa’s and my heart. Another came from seeing the look of exhaustion your papa wore home every night. I suspected that he was even more affected than I was despite the calm demeanour he put up lest he worry us all… No doubt we were terribly worn out. But you, you were the constant joy that reminded us the beauty of new beginnings.
In the 2nd week, I learnt to manage my emotions better. The positive encouragements and experiences shared that I received through FB PMs, WhatsApps and home visits made me feel less alone and more alive. I was determined not to let what I couldn’t control affect what I could. And so I started taking your big brother (who was waiting for another week before he could attend new school) out during your naps. And during his naps, I would cuddle and play with you while giving the nanny an afternoon break. Still, it wasn’t easy getting through the day after a cumulation of interrupted night sleep but I told myself, it won’t be long before both of you grow to be more independent (& then I might just want another baby. Ok just joking). And while I still could, I was happy to meet your needs.
The 3rd week was the hardest to get by. Your big brother was sent to a new school and being there with him for at least half the day through the week meant that i was near engorgement too often. And then there was rushing back to nurse you and express, getting massaged by because I finally decided to engaged a masseur to do a confinement massage, assuring your brother that me disappearing to get massaged was only temporary although the crying ensued for a good half hour each day till 3 days later, and hobbling around with a wrap around my mid-section which made everything including feeding you uncomfortable because I didn’t like being soaked in sweat. But as much as it was the toughest week yet, it also proved to be the fastest one because everything happened so quickly. I barely had time to stop and daydream. Or update this blog. Or update Facebook. Or reply whatsapp messages. It was also this week you were finally cleared of jaundiced (hooray!).
And then the week you turned a month old. There was your one month bash which was easy to plan thanks to helpful girlfriends, a manageable guest list and clearly knowing what I wanted on the dessert table. I started to get a little emotional at the fact that super nanny would be leaving us soon and that I would have to bathe and change you for the first time (I put off bathing your older brother for a few months because I wasn’t confident and thankfully there was your ah ma who volunteered…) with little confidence. I also had a little disaster with my hair where my presumbly hair treatment ended up being a really bad perm which shocked to tears and gave your papa a good laugh. Fortunately that was quickly resolved with various deep conditioners and straightening shampoos, reducing the curls to a body wave.
So what a month it has been eh? But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Love you lots my little munchkin!
And stay squishy for as long as you can, mummy xxoo