November has been such a punishing month – I’ve officially “levelled up” at working through the night for 3 nights in a row (save for the few nodding offs in front of the laptop while waiting for data to run on the system) & yelled at the kids more than I usually would (and they totally didn’t deserve it, though in my defense, I needed whatever concentration was left in my tired self to focus) – and just when I finally conceded defeat to getting some proper rest over the weekend because I wasn’t doing my work nor anyone else any good with bone tired self, here I am, typing out my first & last post for November 2020, while finishing up more annual planning work in the wee hours of 2am.
What triggered this post was actually a sob. A sob which I heard coming from the common loo as I typed furiously on my laptop by the dining area, admiring our newly decorated Christmas tree which the boys took full charge of earlier this evening.
It was Ollie, my 6-year-old. He was on the bowl, sobbing in pain, grabbing his tummy with eyes still half-closed – clearly tired that he had to break his sleep to deal with his tummy ache.
I offered to hold his hand and cuddle him through the pain. I’ve had a few similar incidents when I was greeted in the middle of the night with tummy pains so awful that tears would just stream down my cheeks. I knew that the pain was horrid, and all I could do was cuddle and stroke his back, offering as many comforting words as I could.
And then it struck me – that if I wasn’t working in our dining nook into the wee hours tonight, no one would have noticed the muted sobs coming from the bathroom and my 6-year-old would have continued feeling miserable on his own, for who knows how long (he has sobbed incessantly before for over an hour…).
While I’m confident that he’s going to learn how to deal with future tummy pains on his own because I really hope I won’t be working till the wee hours of the night for every day of the year till the next midnight stomach ache incident happens, I just wanted to document this moment down because it turns out that cuddling him through his stomach ache earlier was such as emotional moment for me. I’ve been feeling major mom guilt from too many things of late, and it took a shitty moment for me to actually feel really shitty.
Soon, when all is well – I’m declaring it from 1 Dec onwards when our family retreat/staycay starts – I am going to resume my fun mom role and be fully present with the kids as much as possible this school holidays.