In the aftermath of my dissatisfaction with the husband last night; I continued in my ways this morning – dreading to start the week, dreading the work I was due to complete, wondering and weary of the thought if it was better to be loved, than to have none at all.
He held my hands and hugged me tight as he woke up. I was indifferent. He apologized for taking too long to get ready while at the breakfast table. I was indifferent. He asked if I needed an umbrella, seeing the rain. I was indifferent. He held my hands in the car. I was indifferent. And today, I think the MIL sensed it as well. She didn’t say a word, seeing my very frustrated face as I walked down the stairs…carrying my stack of work and making notes at the breakfast table.
Until I started the day and realized that the Lord was gracious with me. Apart from a weak tummy and a severe headache, the morning wasn’t too bad. The husband called twice, said he missed me. It was nice, despite the aloofness I showered him with this morning. And I discovered that sometimes not having the things I yearn for may be for the greater good. (Though it sucks to have one part of my life shining so brightly after being dull for so long, and the other suddenly not balancing out)
After all, one knows not what one has until all is lost and not found.