So the husband got home late this evening ,and the first thing he had to announce before his announcement was that “you’re not going to like what you hear.”
And when he said his friend, xx, called him to inform him about something…I kind of guessed & blurted out that xx’s wife must be pregnant. He nodded his head, asked me not to get pressured (since we’re kind of the only couple left in the group without a kiddo, although people will not consider that we are also the last couple thus far to tie the knot), and not to get affected. Now, this is another thing I don’t understand – just because everyone’s having one doesn’t mean that we must be having one. It’s not some race or competition just so you have another kid to compare your kid to? These people also keep forgetting that I’m really a decade their junior. And quite honestly, if I were to calculate the average age of the moms-to-be, I would still have a good 4 years to go before they should even nag & lament.
“What to do, people who don’t want babies (for the right reasons) always get them.”, I responded, as the Bobo reassured me that couplehood was still good for us with our ever frequent travel and work-in-progress migration plans we had drawn out since being unsuccessful in trying for a family since mid this year, having enjoyed 2 years of honeymoon. Till recently, I’ve sort of decided to resist fighting my way unnaturally, and just let things flow the way it should be.
At the same time, my recent surge of faith in God has also taught me that if God hasn’t made anything happen for you, its only because he’s giving you more time & the best strength deal with the situation. In this case , to be the best parents you can to your children & to guide them in the right direction. Like how he provided me a soulmate 3.5 years later than I anticipated.
But at the same time, I just couldn’t comprehend the news (of xx) because
1) xx mentioned that his wife was delivering in 2 weeks…and as CHRISTIAN as they call themselves, they’re actually pantang enough to leave it to the last minute to inform – which really reminds me of bobo’s bestie & wife who also did the same stunt. Do they not realized people they regard as friends rather be informed early than last minute? And now what, they expect a huge-turn out and ang-pow session for their baby’s first month?
2) xx’s wife actually expressed on few occassions how much she detest her husband and the thought of sharing a bed together couldn’t exist before. Now learning this, I wondered…did the wife give in after the husband finally bought her a house & a car, or was this demanded. We will never know, although everyone in the group also has a common understanding about their queer relationship from what we hear. One of which was xx contemplating getting his wife preggy so that she won’t leave him.
3) I can’t be truly happy for people who do nothing but make attempts to sabotage one’s marriage and do not apologize for their actions. I rather be upfront about my feelings at this point of time. I know from the bottom of my heart that people with such characteristics (they rather defend a wrongdoing than save 20 years of friendship) well, will remain such people. Leopard never changes its spots, right?
4) I don’t respect couples who snoop on each other’s private emails & messages just to find out if they’re having affairs, and then saying that they are deemed as the most loving couple in the group. Seriously, who gives themselves such titles and we’re talking about a group of (used-to-be) closely knitted friends
The funniest thing that also hit me has got to be these 2 couples who are allegedly closed friends with the husband, actually sprang last minute news of their newborns (2 weeks shy of giving birth).
And the similarities don’t stop there. Both have been married for about 6-7 years, argue a lot, wives always wanting to dominate including the friends they mix with & one wife can’t stand the other because she feels the other has it better…I’m seeing a pattern here :\
Maybe I’m bitter. Maybe I’m envious. But the reason why I’m blogging about this is so that I can get some closure on this whole baby business. I may have only been trying for a couple of months vs. some I know who have been trying for 7 years (some like those 2 ending up successful of course, some still in despair, others doing the good of adopting which I reckon is greater and requires a lot more to love another’s child as your own); but there’s no need to conform with society to agree that perhaps the only thing one can ever do well in life is to raise their children?
These people may have reluctantly chose to participate in this conform cycle of familyhood, responding to our government’s pleas, or they may have made an active choice. But no one can foretell & gaurantee how your children’s going to turn out. And I definitely know that there’s little room for regrets when you’re bringing up a child (I’ve witness it couple of times, parents thinking its okay with certain behaviour, only to be at receiving end of something they wish they condoned earlier).
I’m very grateful to my family & friends who’ve let me be the way I am, not pressured me in any way, and still all supportive about the other interesting life plans I’ve come up with.
Closure, its a strange thing. We always say it without really feeling it. And if not for the news I received about xx, I don’t think I would have felt this way. A rushed feeling of happiness suddenly starts to envelope me. I’m finally beginning to understand what letting go of feelings mean. I’m finally able to void myself of unnecessary unhappiness, and I think that’s one of the lessons God has been meaning for me to learn.
I think I’m ready for the next stage in life. Be it a move out of the comfort city or a new career. And I can finally say this with openness in my heart and declaration to every reader looking at this post.
p/s: And that will bring my total count of baby boys I know born in 2010: 12