Now that we’ve officially passed the halfway mark, detailed scan with a relatively good diagnosis from the gynae – which means I do have fewer things to think and worry about (Amen!); coupled with Elphie’s and jjifraffe’s recent posts which struck a chord with me, and a catch-up session with my life coach yesterday…I feel an absolute need to write this post…for myself.
Firstly, I want to thank all the wonderful ladies (Elphie, Sam, Tiya, Jo, June, mabes, Ni, Jerb, Jace, Msmiele, Ashley, bbnn, Lisa, queenie, Mel etc.) for sending me their lovely well-wishes, encouragement, sound advice & reassurance; telling me that its absolutely normal to feel a certain way and to have these first-time mom anxieties. It definitely made the past 20-weeks more enjoyable than I initially anticipated, and ’em pregnancy books would never have been able to provide that same personal touch, warmth and love that I was blessed with.
The truth is, way before marriage and family planning ever crossed my mind, I always thought that getting pregnant would be one of the easiest, albeit natural order in life. I mean, teachers & parents were always reminding us how important it was to consider all forms of protection, contraceptive since the age of puberty – so naturally it was convenient to think that getting knocked up must be very easy since we’re getting so many reminders on ways to prevent that outcome.
Turns out that it proved to be an uphill task after all, and me assuming that having to plan our wedding might have been one of the biggest challenges faced in adulthood was totally naive. I won’t go into the dreary details.
When we finally received our first BFP, we were overjoyed & in utter disbelief. But because there was so much uncertainty & fear that we’ve been exposed to and heard about, it didn’t seem right to celebrate the news there and then; even if I was dying to burst out to closed friends who knew about our family plans, that I had succeeded in at least passing the start line by means of getting that first +ve.
I eventually went ahead to share the news with some closed ones anyway, despite a gynae mentioning that I might want to wait it out till at least week 10-12. Maybe I should have waited, maybe I didn’t need to – but I did what I felt right. I told those that I knew were rooting for us the good news, regardless it being very preliminary. And I felt happy doing so because I didn’t have to worry about making excuses for my diet or lack of participation in any activities. There were always extra pairs of eyes looking out for me and I didn’t have to worry about protecting that little nugget all on my own.
As I slowly passed the hurdles of getting that heartbeat seen & heard, oscar scan; my confidence in sustaining the pregnancy slowly built. Though I was constantly reminded that anything could still happen and that perhaps a sigh of relief should only come after baby was born; again I went with what I felt right. And I felt the right thing to do was to quit worrying unnecessarily and to send baby chungkin happy & positive vibes as much as possible. I would initially start to worry by week 4 of my last visit (because my visits/scans with obgyn was paced 5-6 weeks apart) because I wasn’t experiencing symptoms like what I was reading on forums or heard from friends who were at a similar stage as I was but soon snap myself out of it because I realized I needn’t be too hard on myself just because I wasn’t experiencing fluttering movements yet, or I wasn’t throwing up as much as people say you should, or that I was having a much better appetite that those that didn’t. If the doc said all was in order, and I wasn’t experiencing anything out of the ordinary – then it should be a-okay, right?
I know it can be difficult to just let your reservations go, especially when your first sustainable pregnancy didn’t come as easy as you wanted but now that you’re pregnant, the start of a beautiful beginning, enjoy the ride.
The worries will always be there, I won’t deny (have you seen my last 2 ‘paranoid posts’) but don’t let it consume you. Allow yourself to worry appropriately (i.e.: when I was tested for thal. minor, I worried for baby’s safety because nurses told me that the pregnancy might be terminated on its own. But I told myself enough of worrying because it might cause more harm and gave myself the deadline till detailed scan to quit thinking too much about it) but also embrace at the chance of savouring the joys of being pregnant. (p/s: I’ve had many moms telling me how much they missed being pregnant)
For me, I’ve done my want-to-do list so far except any air-travel which the Bo has strictly requested for his sanity and my safety. He has kindly obliged to a drive trip though so we’ll see how that goes.
Capture belly moments? Check. Colour that hay looking of a lion mane? Check. Mani/Pedi? Check. Dress up and feel good? Check. Pre-natal yoga? Check. And now that I’m half-way there (where has time gone to, again?), I realize that there’s so much more I want to get done before little fella arrives. happy mama = happy bubba.
Document, document, document. As jjjiraffe mentioned, you’ve earned it 🙂