Very very recently, like today – I told some of my dearest friends who texted and asked why we haven’t been chatting as much as we used to all day long, or nudge and asked what I’ve been up to, or said they had me in their thoughts all day (thank you thank you thank you!) – that I need a bit of a break from being social. From them.
I expected unsolicited, angry comments…but none ensued. Instead they insisted that it’d be better if I included them in my current journey but didn’t relent when I stood firm. I really appreciated their understanding amidst the sudden confusion. I love them for it. Despite my rejection, my angst, my incoherent replies all they said were that they’d just wait till I’m ready to talk. Or post D-day. I wasn’t ready to continue a lengthy, hearty conversation as I usually would -but in my heart I thank God for them. God bless their lovely, lovely hearts. And God knows I would reach out to the ends of my limits to help any of them in need.
Today, I finally received a preview to what potentially might have caused my disruptive mood swings, unexplained giddiness for the past months. Woe to whatever this is and this too had better pass, pronto! It was mean…that I had to live in worry re. a potential threat to the 1st tri during chungkin days, and now this? Thank goodness for Liam and his antics, making the current situation a lot more bearable now.
Throw in another big baby whose been hit by the flu bug and demands the same sort of attention as the little one…I’m barely keeping up (which explains the test drive I took today to let off some steam… which felt oddly therapeutic).
Surely it can’t be all that bad? I’m very, very thankful with the many distractions that God has planned my way. I feel horrible that it’s often through the rough times that I cling on to and utter every appeasing word that puts God in the centre of my world but I revel in his mercy and ever-doting, always forgiving LOVE. I’m thankful & very very happy that a lot of closed, awesome friends around me have been trusting me with good news first before the social world gets it a few months later (lots of celebrations in the pipeline of course). I’m blessed for a supportive husband who does his best for me, for our family. I’m grateful that I even have a buddy who went through all that I’m going through right now and can give me the support I would definitely benefit from.
So maybe I’m not in that bad a place right now. I’m sure there are others, like my friends, who shared with me what they have to go through everyday without others realizing.
I think we are all survivors. And we will all find a way out of our own dilemmas.
I know I will, eventually. With help from divine intervention of course.