Some time last week as I progressed towards the 2nd half of this pregnancy, it dawned on me that this could possibly be my last.
– My last in reveling in the constant tumbles and kicks our chungkin#2 has been affectionately serving me with through the day just to remind me that all’s good and cushy in there
– My last in getting glowing compliments on the complexion on an almost daily basis (from colleagues right, supermarket aunts through to strangers…with the strangers usually ending the compliments with gender guesses)
– My last in experiencing my first at morning sickness – as unpleasant as it was. I can totally understand why my girlfriends said they could continue eating after the puking. It’s not hungover bad.
– My last in getting constant cravings fixed – another first and I try to be reasonable with my request most times
– My last in getting fussed over by practically everyone. My colleagues have been the sweetest people…constantly checking if I’m too hot, cold, need a drink, need a more comfortable seat, need them to make me a warm cup of milo, get me a pack of cheerios or whittakers (I’m secretly enjoying this as guilty as I am for milking it).
– My last in being having kind souls offer their seats on public transportation whether I rub the belly or not.
– My last in just having those special, tender moments with baby#2
I say last because with our fertility odds combined and 2 years escaping from us at the end of every NYE’s party, I reckon 2 miracles happening within a span of 2 years have been pretty amazing. If another happens, yay! If it doesn’t, I’m thrilled that Liam won’t be the only child anyway. I’m contented with either outcomes.
Yet there I was, slowly sinking into my once-familiar guilt bubble with all the whys of why I didn’t seem to cherish every moment of the 1st half of this pregnancy as I did when I was with Liam (complete with weekly blog posts and frequent bump shots!).
Was it complacency? Definitely not. Not especially after what we went through in our heart wrenching journey to try for Liam.
Was it having been there done that? No way. This pregnancy has been very different from the 1st right from the start and I’m not one to take something like a pregnancy for granted (I actually kept freaking out between week 8 and 10 because I fell so sick, I didn’t think my body would be a good environment)
And then I realized what it was.
With Liam, I had to give up everything. A promising career, colleagues whose company I enjoyed, opportunities to uproot and start a life with the Bo elsewhere, luxuries I used to reward myself with every pay check I received, the pride of thinking I could have everything – work and family going on at the same time, a social life of late night mingling and catching up because I was too depressed to be around with. And hope, I (almost) gave that up too…and thankfully I didn’t thanks to a very inspiring book that landed on my lap randomly and changed everything, making me the contented mum that I am today.
With chungkin#2, I didn’t have to give up anything. Instead I had 4 very different and rewarding hats to juggle between on my head, girlfriends who stepped into my life and showed me what true friendship was with their generosity, kindness, love, wholeheartedness; mentors who taught and guide me about any and everything that I wanted to learn more about without charging me a penny, little luxuries presented in all forms, career opportunities and growth, complimentary obgyn consultations & scans with zero wait time and vip treatment (i know right, what were the odds!).
I had experienced a pregnancy at my lowest point vs another at one of my highest moments. Both of which taught me to treasure what I have even more, although the thought of ever needing to give up anything was honestly tough, considering the comeback I received despite giving up everything 2 years ago. Yet for another addition to our family, I would do it all over again.
Turns out I didn’t have to make a choice or any sacrifices in the end because God took care of everything. He’s been occupying me with positively powerful vibes from the workplace and my bosses that I haven’t had the time to even stop and entertain negative thoughts.
Perhaps something that I will miss looking at on being pregnant might be the more tangible weekly bump shots. Time to get a selfie rod.
(meanwhile, it’s exciting to know that we have 3 ladies in the team that’s pregnant and due around the same time. Yipee yay!)