This morning, on the 3rd day of (Liam’s) school, and on my 2nd day of work – I couldn’t help but scold Liam. The issue at hand wasn’t a big deal. But I almost imposed a time-out anyway despite the little fella’s refusal to conform. And as he peeked from the corner of his eye to check out how angry I was with his noncompliance, I had to give him “the stare”. Yep, I wanted to let him know that I meant business when I asked him to stop playing with the handles of his papa’s new work bag because I didn’t want him to damage the handles. Although I would have appreciated if the Bo had shared with me earlier (than after the fact) that he had just taught Liam how to adjust the handle earlier this morning and that he (Liam) was probably just excited at this “novelty” hence the playing.
I’ve always been reminded by mum that just like how she always did her best to keep her cool and my mood happy during my school-going days regardless how trying I was, that I should attempt to do the same for Liam. And while I have been doing my best to keep Liam happy every morning ever since he started school – it’s easy to be positively upbeat about anything when one doesn’t need to work, since starting work at the new place, it’s been challenging just getting everyone out of the house on time. And so far, Liam’s been on the receiving end of it.
As I walked him towards his school earlier, I could sense he was pretty upset from what had happened. And as we inched closer towards his classroom, he burst into tears saying “no, mummy”, as though I was punishing him by sending him to class. It was then I realized how hard I must have been on him during the scolding. I then tried to sound as lighthearted as possible as I bade him farewell, and “have a good day, mummy will come to pick you up early” but he was too affected by my mood earlier to register what I was now saying.
I continued my journey to the office with a heavy heart. I was clearly affected by the consequences of my actions, and with less time spent with Liam than before due to this new arrangement, I definitely didn’t need another guilt trip.
It’s easy to yell, scold and take it out on our kids in the heat of a moment when things don’t go our way. In this case, Liam’s dilly-dally and my tolerance for it delayed everyone this morning. I was partly to blame for not keeping time hard enough, couldn’t decide if I should nurse Ollie or express…and all. But what I shouldn’t have done was to take it out on the poor kid. And this is one mistake that I hope to avoid as much as possible for the rest of 2015.